I must say since Thanksgiving my world has completely shifted. Granted these changes were in affect long before that special weekend but it all seemed to finally make sense. I was finally at a point of acceptance, ready to receive. I had been suffering through "labour pains" for nine months and I was finally about to give birth. Now let me be clear... I'm NOT pregnant. However this analogy had been thrown to me many times before whether it be in church through sermons or discussions that I had been having and I found it fitting to me. For the longest time I had been thinking: " Something has to give here!". I had been working hard and trying to do so many different things, big and small and NOTHING was working out in my best interest. I was on the sidelines watching everyone else succeed but me. My doors were ALWAYS closing or were simply sealed shut. I was listening to everyone's happy stories and trying to stay positive by speaking the usual affirmations into my life: 1) "What's mine is mine."
2) " Everything happens for a reason!"
3) "I may not see or understand why this happened or is happening but there is good in it."
4) "I will continue to fight and push through."
5) "Change is good; learn to operate in your new surroundings."
It had gotten to a point of complete frustration. I had absolutely no control over the situations and couldn't think of any way to get out of them. I was constantly in tears and would feel happy for a quick minute and then go right back to a very dark, lonely place. I had gotten to a place where I embraced my solitude and didn't go out unless I absolutely wanted to or needed to. Even in those moments, I had to really make the effort. I had so many questions, so much pain, so much built up anger and resentment, it was stunting my growth and progress. Now I do realize not all pregnancies are excruciating or a horrible experience but for the sake of this text, I'll ask you to picture the worst case scenario possible. Also, please keep in mind that this whole episode stemmed from a place of loss and deep sadness. So for me to have come around, without hitting rock bottom, like I could have, was truly a miracle within itself. And I'm extremely thankful that it didn't come to that. After God, I was extremely fortunate to have the right people in my life during my father's illness and after his passing. There's was no way my life could of been the same after such a traumatic, life altering event. So the shift had to be huge. It had to turn my entire life upside down and back again. And I'm sure this is just the beginning. I don't even know if I have fully dealt with everything and am done with the grieving process but I trust something powerful has happened in my life and continues to do so. I am anew. New surroundings, new self confidence, new found love for the individuals who are now in my life. A new spiritual awakening. Full restoration, open doors and this feeling of inner peace I never want to lose. The same way Happiness is a choice, so is being at Peace! Don't let anyone shake it or disturb it. Once you have managed to get through it all....make sure to hang on tight and KEEP YOUR PEACE!